Introduction

I have migrated here from Google’s Blogger because I have been advised by trusted sources that this site is a superior destination for the literary manifestations of my psyche, as well as the other shit. Now, about me. My name is Reginald Freecrotch and my life ambition is to invent a proximity gravity destabiliser to accomplish such lifelong endeavours as: 1) Creating a localised hub of sideways-growing trees and floating deer.

I searched for floating animals. Apparently others out there share my dream.

2) Levidancing – yes friends, that is dancing in mid-air and could also be accomplished by going to space. Sadly, since birth I have been horribly allergic to space, which wouldn’t normally be obvious if it wasn’t for the fact that I AM FROM THERE and I feel that I should warn you of your impeding doom at the hands of my home planet’s Boop cannons (we named them that because they don’t make a sound in space so we gave them onomatopoeic names to compensate).

All the people on my planet make this guy look hot. So we will boop you all out of spite.

3) To create a wormhole from my bed to a brewery so I can get the good stuff fresher than the prince of Bel Air.

It helps me forget that time I woke up in the night after sleeping on my dong and thought it had been stolen by penis imps

Other than my ambitious scientific pursuits, I also enjoy potatoes, watching cat videos and the misfortune of others 🙂

It was me.